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Massage Therapy Joke

Massage Therapist (monologuing): I'm going to be doing frictions which can be a little unpleasant. It's at this point clients sometimes say (in a Sean Connery accent) "Do you expect me to talk?" And I say (wigged out Goldfinger voice): "No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die!"

Massage Quotes

Carefully observe your activities of thinking, breathing, movement, diet, sex, and sleep, for these are the six fundamentals of health. Within this realm lies success or failure in your physical health and emotional happiness. Quote by Shizuko Yamamota

Massage Therapy Joke

Massage Therapist: Is the pressure okay?
Client: How will I know if it's not "okay"?
Massage Therapist: If you see dead relatives beckoning you toward a bright light, that would be one clue.

Tired weary, jet lagged and simply looking to relax? I bring the massage to you. Look no further. This executive massage is just for you. I will travel to your 4 or 5 star hotel.

This is a wonderful service when stress leaves you unwilling to step out of your hotel room, but very willing to treat yourself to the benefits of both therapeutic and a sensual session.

To ensure the best experience possible, I travel to your hotel room. I offer you a beautiful escape from the chatter of the world.  You will receive a professional, draping-NOT-required, therapeutic-sensual, head-to-toe, full-body massage in the comfort of your hotel room.

My service is a REAL massage, the type of massage most men want, not another quick back rub or disappointing rubdown.  My signature full-body massage combines a skilled, soothing, nurturing touch with therapeutic and deeply-relaxing modalities along with my creative personal touch to give you a truly sensational experience.

After your massage, you can simply bask in the feeling of peace, contentment, and revitalization.  No getting dressed to get back in the car. No driving in miles of traffic. Just complete contentment, no worries, and no demands.  My services are ideal for mature traveling professionals who need a massage to help them unwind from stressful business trips.

My primary focus is to help you feel better and to give you a relaxing, pampering, and indulgent massage to help you unwind.  My signature full-body massage combines therapeutic and deeply-relaxing modalities along with my creative personal touch to give you a truly sensational experience.

You will find that I'm fully engaged in making your massage memorable.  I don't rush from hotel room to hotel room. My posted hours are merely parameters of acceptable appointment times.  The number of massages that I schedule each week is limited.  My focus is on the quality of your massage, not on how many massages I can schedule.

I set a relaxing and sensual mood for your massage. All lights are switched off. Relaxing music is played from my mobile device and piped through my Shox Bam wireless speaker. Lay back and let all the stresses of the day fall away from you. Under my capable hands trained to find every sore muscle and tender spot, I will sooth your aches and tension. 60mins and 90mins sessions of blissful relaxation, professional therapeutic massage and full body sensual massages!

Make a booking with me for your mobile massage, travel massage, outcall massage, visiting massage, room service massage, hotel massage, hotel outcalls, massage in hotel room, hotel sensual massage service.

I'm not affiliated with any massage agency, and you will interact with me only. I provide exceptional outcall massage services to your location, and my services are designed exclusively for mature male professionals (sorry, no accommodations for women or couples).

Regarding the clientele with whom I make appointments, I am VERY selective and discerning. Not only do you need to feel comfortable inviting me into your hotel room, but I need to feel safe being alone with you in your hotel room.  As such, if I don't feel comfortable with you after a brief phone conversation, then no massage will be scheduled.

If this is your first time scheduling your massage with me, thank you so much, and I hope you will consider joining me for an incredibly pleasant and relaxing massage! ALL HOTEL MASSAGE SESSIONS END AT 10pm. I do not offer ''overnight'' massage sessions.

Below is a list of some of the  hotels  that I have visited and will visit you at for a session.

Sandton Sun Hotel (Sandton), Da Vinci Hotel & Suites on Mandela Square (Sandton), City Lodge Sandton (Morningside), Falstaff Inn (Sandton), Garden Court (Morningside), Garden Court (Sandton), Garden Court (Sandton City), Hilton Hotel (Sandton), Holiday Inn (Sandton), InterContinental Towers (Sandton),  Michelangelo Towers (Sandton), Park Inn Sandton (Sandton), Protea Hotel Balalaika (Sandton), Protea Hotel (Wanderers), Quatermain Hotel (Sandton), Radisson Blu (Sandton), Radisson Gautrain Hotel (Sandton), Raphael Penthouse Suites (Sandton), Southern Sun (Sandton), The Courtyard Sandton (Sandton), The Maslow Hotel (Sandton), Holiday Inn Express (Woodmead), 20 West Executive Apartments & Hotel (Sandton), Westpoint Executive Suites (Sandton), Town Lodge (Sandton), Inanda Sandton Lodge (Sandton), The Saxon Boutique Hotel (Sandton), Ten Bompas Hotel (Dunkeld), Agoda Hotel (Melrose Arch), African Pride Hotel (Melrose Arch), Protea Hotel Fire & Ice (Melrose Arch), Protea Hotel (Wanderers), Holiday Inn Jhb (Rosebank), Crown Plaza Jhb (Rosebank), Athol Place Boutique Hotel (Sandton), La Chatelat Residence (Sandton), Sandton Lodge Inanda (Sandton), Sandton Lodge Rivonia (Sandton), Southern Sun Hotel (Fourways - Montecasion), The Palazzo Hotel (Fourways - Montecasino), Sunsquare Hotel (Fourways - Montecasino), City Lodge Hotel (Fourways - Montecasino), Peermont Mondior (Boksburg), Peermont Metcourt (Boksburg), Peermont D'oreale Grande)

Its difficult to list all hotels serviced, so if you are not sure if your hotel is in my outcall hotel booking, please feel free to send me a Whatsapp to ask me.

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