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Massage Therapy Joke

Massage Therapist (monologuing): I'm going to be doing frictions which can be a little unpleasant. It's at this point clients sometimes say (in a Sean Connery accent) "Do you expect me to talk?" And I say (wigged out Goldfinger voice): "No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die!"

Massage Quotes

Carefully observe your activities of thinking, breathing, movement, diet, sex, and sleep, for these are the six fundamentals of health. Within this realm lies success or failure in your physical health and emotional happiness. Quote by Shizuko Yamamota

Massage Therapy Joke

Massage Therapist: Is the pressure okay?
Client: How will I know if it's not "okay"?
Massage Therapist: If you see dead relatives beckoning you toward a bright light, that would be one clue.

Basic Massage

Term which describes the most basic erotic massage service offered by a massage parlour in which the attendant is fully clothed while giving the massage.

Body Rub

Term used to describe a full-body erotic massage.

Body Slide

Massage technique in which the masseuse uses her body to give a total-body massage while paying special attention to the clients' intimate areas. Both the client and attendant are fully nude with massage oil being used as the "sliding" medium.

Erotic Massage

A massage in which areas of the body such as around the groin and other intimate parts that are not normally touched in a therapeutic massage, will be touched in ways that increase sexual arousal. Erotic massage is also known as adult massage, massage with "happy-ending" or rub & tug massage.

Hot Oil Massage

A massage treatment where hot oil is applied as the massage lubricant.

Nude Massage

Erotic massage service in which the attendant is nude.

Nude Reserve/Mutual Massage

Erotic massage where the client is able to massage the attendant who is nude.

Shower Massage

A massage service whereby the client is massaged by the attendant while in a shower.

Topless Massage

 Massage service which involves the attendant being naked from the waist up while providing the client with a massage.

V.I.P Massage

Term used to describe the "top of the line" or premium services offered by a massage establishment.

Erotic Massage

Erotic massage, also known as sensuous massage, sensual massage, or sexual massage, is a massage modality utilising sexually stimulating massage techniques in order to enhance sexual arousal and intimate bodily pleasure. It differs from a more “traditional” massage modality such as Swedish massage or Reflexology in that it does not have a specific routine to learn, but instead focuses on the sensations created in the body produced by a sensitive touch. Practiced regularly, it has been known to improve capacity for sexual intimacy and emotional connection. Erotic sensual massage can be a delightfully meditative experience for both the giver and the receiver, and allows for a truly physically intimate experience to occur without the pressures and strains to “perform.”

Nude Massage

This type of massage is performed with both the giver and receiver fully naked. It is sometimes even known as a naturist massage, although naturism or nudism describes a cultural movement whereas the word nude is more purely descriptive of the state of undress. Naturists defend social nudity in both public and in private, as it is a "natural" state unlike being dressed. A nude or nudist massage is a massage with complete nudity on behalf of both therapist and recipient, and although it is not necessarily strictly sexual it certainly can be.

Naturist Massage

Naturist massage is a fully nude massage, where both the giver and receiver of the massage are nude. A fully naked massage allows there to be no barriers between the massage therapist and the client, providing a comfortable environment. When you are receiving a nude massage, you'll notice how much more relaxed you feel and how the atmosphere is naturally serene and calm. It is not necessarily a sexual or sensual massage, although it can be.

Body to Body/ Body glide Massage

This type of massage involves both the recipient and therapist being completely nude. It is almost always part of a sensual, sexual, and erotically stimulating massage. Candles will be lit, the room will be infused with delicious smelling incense and soft music will be playing gently in the background. It is also known as erotic bodyslide massage, body glide massage, b2b massage, body2body massage, reverse massage, or bodysliding.

Lingham Massage

A lingam massage or sacred lingam healing ceremony, is a sensual Tantric massage technique. The word lingam comes from the ancient Sanskrit language and has the meaning "wand of light." The lingam is, for Hindus, a symbol of divine energy. A ceremony of truly respecting and healing this sacred and intimate part of male sexuality is kown as a massage of the Lingam. This divine and worshipful tending to the Lingam is done with an intention that is not strictly sexual or orgasm-oriented, but with the intention of facilitating intimate sensual healing. The lingam is also referred to as the linga or ling, and is a representation of Shiva the Hindu yogi deity. The lingam is in fact seen as the centre of the male's creative energies. As such, an expert lingam massage can be expected to improve your creative abilities and sensibilities. Ramakrishna, a famous mystic of nineteenth century India, promoted what was known as Jivanta-linga-puja, or "worship of the living lingam."

Nuru Massage

The nuru masseuse uses her entire naked body, back and front, to massage the client during a nuru massage. She carefully makes sure as much of her body as possible is making contact with the client’s body and uses rhythmic rocking and gliding motions all over the body throughout the treatment. Nuru massage is a naturist treatment, where both the receiver and the giver in a nuru massage session are totally nude. An exotic and inherently sexual nude massage treatment, the nuru massage involves body slides, body gliding, and full body stimulation. Many of the techniques used in nuru massage are body to body massage techniques, specially adapted to be used with the special massage lubricant substance known as nuru gel. It is extremely slippery, smooth, colourless, odourless, and tasteless.

Prostate Massage

A prostate massage is a physical stimulation of the male prostate gland. This is primarily performed for the purpose of sexual pleasure, as the prostate has a key role in the male sexual response cycle. It is possible to massage the prostate manually by physically stimulating the external perineum or the internal anterior wall of the rectum. A massage therapist who is providing a prostate massage will be very gentle, especially if this is your first time, to use soft stimulation that feels exciting and pleasurable rather than uncomfortable. Before 1960, prostate massage was also a widely used therapeutic treatment for prostatitis and in many cases was known to be extremely effective. In men, the prostate gland is a very potent source of physical pleasure and invites stimulation in that manner.

Happy Ending Massage

Term used to describe the "top of the line" or premium services offered by a massage establishment. A happy ending massage is any variety of sensual or erotic massage that incorporates manual genital stimulation (like a lingham or a yoni massage) as part of the treatment. It is a misnomer that this is a euphemism for sex, it merely means that the massage offered may include a climactic experience as an option. Happy endings are usually offered as part of some variety of sensual or sensuous massage, such as tantric massage, erotic massage, body to body massage, sexy massage or adult massage.

Sensual massage therapists who incorporate happy endings into their massages are not ‘bad people’ or immoral, they are merely part of the new wave of open-minded people who believe that accepting a person’s sexuality and sexual being as part of the whole allows for deep understanding and empathy.

Sexy Massage

Term used to describe the "top of the line" or premium services offered by a massage establishment. Sexy massage is a massage that is primarily sensual or erotic in nature. The human body experiences the world with five senses: sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. A sensual style massage is aimed to explore all of those senses. Sexy massages are designed to stimulate and arouse the body in a sexual way and to encourage the physical exploration of pleasure and enjoyment. Rather than labelling intimate physical pleasure as “taboo,” sexy erotic massages are intimate and inclusive of the entire body. They are a full body massage where every part of your body is treated with pleasure, attention, and affection.

Full Body Massage

A full body massage is a massage treatment that incorporates the entire body in the treatment, rather than focusing only on one or more other isolated areas of the body such as the back or the legs. They are not necessarily sensual or sexual massages, though most sensual massages are actually a full body treatment. They are known for providing a lot of benefit, including relaxation and stress relief. The full body treatment can incorporate a variety of massage techniques, from Swedish techniques to deep tissue and hot stone techniques. The essential factor that differentiates a full body sensual erotic massage from another kind of massage is that the therapist focuses on your whole body in the treatment, both front and back, from head to toe.

Most therapists providing a full body therapies will also customise your treatment to your own personal requirements, keeping in mind any parts of your body you may not want to be touched or other parts where you need more attention.

Adult Massage

Adult massage is a massage treatment aimed towards, and only suitable for, adults. It can describe any variety of sensually stimulating erotic massages, such as tantric massage, erotic massage or nuru massage. An adult massage is specially designed to increase arousal through an array of different techniques. A majority of adult massages are, by their intrinsic nature, both nude and erotic massages.







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